Make the Horseradish Cream
Make up a strong horseradish sauce with 6" grated horseradish, 250ml sour cream and the juice of a lemon, then leave to mature for a day or two. Push the sauce through a sieve to remove the horseradish bits and create a smooth sauce.

For the Vol au Vents
Lightly beat two egg yolks with a little water.
Prepare the vol au vents: Roll the puff pastry to about 4-5mm thick. Using a 8-10 cm fluted pastry cutter cut out twice as many rounds as final vol au vents. You should be able to get around 16 rounds for 8 casings from the pastry.
Cut the centre out of half of the rounds using a smaller 5-6 cm fluted pastry cutter. Make a light cut into the centre of the whole rounds with the same cutter but don't cut all the way through - this will help them rise.
Brush the top of the whole rounds with egg wash and lay the cut-out rings on top, then brush both tops again. Avoid getting egg wash on the sides as it will inhibit their rising. If you like you can also make shallow, angled cuts along the outside edges of the rings with a small knife to aerate the dough and help it puff.
Chill for 15 minutes or as long as you can arrange. This will help to prevent shrinking during baking.

Heat the oven to 180-200°C/350-400°F/Gas 4-6. Line a baking sheet with greaseproof paper and lay on the chilled pastry cases. Brush the tops (and only the tops) a final time with egg wash. Bake for 10-20 minutes until they have risen and are golden on top.
Remove from the oven, allow to cool slightly and then cut the centre of the cases away with a knife and keep for later as a cap. Dig out any excess pastry from the cavity to make room for the filling. You can return the cases to the oven for an additional 4-5 minutes to dry out slightly if they need it.

For the Filling
Shred the thinly sliced dried reindeer meat, and simmer, lidded, with just enough stock to cover reindeer stock if you have it :) for about 15 minutes until it softens. Uncover and reduce until there is no excess liquid.
Slice up one or two small gherkins, then cut across the rounds to make short matchsticks. Set aside.
Cook a couple of tablespoons each of flour and butter in a small saucepan without browning until the mixture smells like pastry, then gradually add ½ a cup of milk, whisking until it thickens. Add ½ a cup of cream, whisk and heat through until it thickens. Add the softened reindeer meat and stock, and as much chopped gherkin as tastes well. Add milk or cream to adjust the consistency to that of thick custard. Add the chopped parsley.
Remove from the heat.

Blend the egg wash left over from glazing the pastries (there should be more than one yolk worth) with ½ cup of the strained horseradish sauce. Stir into the filling mixture. Taste and adjust the proportions and seasoning as necessary. If your reindeer meat is as salty as mine you won't need to add any extra salt. Fill the vol au vents with the sauce, put the little caps back on and serve still warm.

For the Mashed Potatoes
Peel the potatoes, cut into large even chunks (or not, depending on size) and simmer for 15-20 minutes until easily penetrated with a knife. You can use the same pan of boiling water to blanch your green beans too. Just dunk the sieve into it. Push the potatoes through a sieve or a potato ricer, mix with a generous lump of butter and season.
Use one of the earlier pastry cutters to shape the potato on each plate; fill the cutter, smooth the top, lift off the cutter.

For the Beans
Top and tail the green beans and cut into manageable lengths. Strip the parsley leaves from their stalks and chop them.
Blanche the beans and the parsley stalks; dunking them in a sieve into boiling water, then removing and draining them when the water returns to the boil.
Mince or press one or two garlic cloves. Chop up about a half-dozen anchovies (depending on size). Heat a little olive oil in a small pan and add the garlic and anchovies, sweat without browning until they melt down. Add the lime zest, then the par-boiled green beans, the reserved chopped parsley and lime juice.
Cover, shake, and heat through.
Make a loop of each softened parsley stalk by winding the ends around each other, then stuff the loop with green beans until it holds together.
Stand a green bean bundle on each plate and dress with pan juices.

Place two or three vol au vents on each plate and serve.

Crumble your Wildes' High Cross cheese (or Caerphilly).
Break your eggs into a bowl, fish out the bits of shell, and loosely stir. Season with salt. Melt a generous lump of butter in a pan over medium to low heat.
Pour in the egg and allow to sit until it begins to set at the bottom.
Turn cautiously with a silicon spatula to avoid breaking up the curds.
Continue doing this until the egg coheres and thickens but is still on the loose side (it will continue cooking to perfection after you remove the pan from the heat).
Stir through crème fraîche if using - adding cream or mayonnaise at the end does help to stop the eggs overcooking though and most of the cheese.
Serve on toast with the remaining cheese scattered on top.

Chop the bacon into about ½" chunks.
Chop the mushrooms into about ½" pieces.
Slice the garlic.
Finely chop the tomatoes.
Peel the London Blue cheese and break up into chunks.

Heat a generous puddle of olive oil in a deep frying pan.
Fry the bacon until it finally boils off all that injected water, curing salts and (probably) weird anti-biotics and begins to brown.
Turn down the heat. Add the garlic and colour without burning.
Add the chopped mushrooms and fry until they lose a little moisture.
Add finely chopped tomatoes and stir briefly until they begin to soften.
Add cream and bring to a simmer.
Stir through the cheese until it melts.
Season.
Serve over pasta. It's a thin sauce, so something with a bit of surface to it - farfalle say.
Garnish with a grinding of black pepper and chopped parsley.

Melt the jelly with half the amount of boiling water recommended on the packet about a ½ pint, allow to cool to room temperature.

Using an electric whisk or a vigorous hand whisk, whip the evaporated milk until it has tripled in size. While continuing to whisk gradually add the jelly. Whisk for a further 30 seconds then pour into a large bowl or individual serving glasses.
Put in the fridge to set.

Set out three bowls with seasoned flour, whisked egg, breadcrumbs.
Remove the haggis skin, break the haggis up into pieces and form each one into a rough ball about the size of a lychee or a small plum.
Roll each ball in flour, then egg, then breadcrumbs to coat well.
Put the balls in the fridge to chill for an hour or until needed.

Make the sauce by melting the marmalade and stirring in the lemon juice and whisky. Adjust the balance of ingredients to taste. You may also need to add a little sugar.

Heat oil in a deep-fryer to 170°C and fry the balls for 2-4 minutes until golden brown.
Drain and serve drizzled with whisky marmalade sauce and a small side salad. If you're not cooking Christmas dinner for Philistines.

Joint the chicken, debone and cut the chicken flesh into large pieces (I left the skin on). Season the chicken generously with ground black pepper and brown in oil in a large pan, in batches if necessary. Set aside.
Peel the onion, slice lengthwise into eighths. Brown in the pot with a sprinkling of dried oregano. Add to the chicken.
Peel or scrape the potatoes and cut into large chunks (unless small). Fry to brown a little. Add to the chicken.
Chop the celery into fat chunks. Grate the lemon zest. Fry together briefly in the pan to coat in the remaining fat, then add a little wine or water to clean the pan and add to the chicken.
Make a simple stock from the chicken bones and carcass - fry briefly to brown in a large pot, just cover with water, add whole peppercorns and bay leaves, bring to the boil and simmer for 30 minutes. Strain the stock into the reserved chicken.
Add epazote to the chicken mix, bring to the boil and simmer for 10-15 minutes until everything is tender. Season.
Mix the juice of the lemon with about the same volume of olive oil and pour over the stew, or offer as a dressing on the side.
Serve with white rice (the best option), mash or couscous.

Put pancetta in a 6-qt. saucepan and place over medium-high heat. Cook, stirring occasionally, until its fat renders, about 12 minutes. (If the pancetta begins to brown too fast, reduce the heat to medium-low.) Using a slotted spoon, transfer the pancetta to paper towels to drain, and set aside. Add the olive oil to the pan, and return to medium-high heat. Add the onion, and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and light brown, about 10 minutes. Add the celery, tomatoes, and ¼ cup water, and season with salt and pepper. Cover pan with lid, and cook, stirring occasionally adding additional water if necessary, until celery is very tender, about 1½ hours.

Divide the celery with its juices between serving bowls, and sprinkle with the reserved pancetta. Serve hot or at room temperature.

Roughly grind the coriander seeds in a mortar. Mix into the yoghurt with the other marinade ingredients: lime pickle, salt, turmeric, chilli powder, garam masala. Joint the chicken into 8 pieces (breasts, thighs, legs, wings), leaving the skin on. Deeply score the pieces and mix with the marinade. Leave in the fridge overnight.

Set aside a handful or two of spinach (for texture) later. Blanch the rest of the spinach in boiling water for a few seconds then drain, and purée.
Purée the onion, and then the garlic and the ginger together, reserving a few slices of ginger cut into slivers for garnish.

Heat a generous quantity of ghee or oil in a large pan and fry the bay leaves, cassia and cardamoms until they fizz, then taking a few pieces of chicken at a time, scrape off excess marinade and fry them until lightly browned and set aside. Do this in batches until all the chicken is done. Scrape out the bits and spices from the pan and add to the chicken. Reheat the oil, adding more if necessary, and fry the onion paste until cooked and the oil beginning to separate, then add the garlic and ginger paste and fry until it too smells cooked and the oil separates.
Stir in the tomato paste and cook again until the bitter smell cooks off and the oil separates.
Scrape in the leftover marinade and stir well, then add back the chicken, bring to a simmer (add a little liquid if too dry), cover and cook for 15-20 minutes until the chicken is tender.
Add the spinach purée, the handful of chopped spinach and cook through, season to taste, then stir through a swirl of cream.

Garnish with crushed dried fenugreek leaves, ginger slivers, coriander leaves and/or toasted cashew nuts. As you like.
Serve with rice or chapatis and more lime pickle on the side.

Heat oil or ghee in a large pan.
Fry the panch poran and the chilli flakes until they pop and release their aroma.
Add the potato cubes and fry to colour.
Add the cauliflower florets and fry to colour.
Throw in the ground spices (except the garam masala) and the salt and fry, stirring to prevent burning the spices, until the oil begins to separate.
Add the dried fenugreek leaves and the chopped tomatoes. Cover and cook until the tomatoes collapse.
Add the peas and warm through (if frozen) or cook until tender (if fresh).
Stir in yoghurt and heat through.
Serve dressed with a sprinkling of garam masala and coriander leaves.

Top and tail the green beans, then cut them into 2" sections.
Heat oil or ghee in a saucepan until shimmering, add the onion seeds and fry until they fizz and pop.
Peel and mince the ginger and add to the pan, frying until it colours.
Peel the garlic, slice thinly lengthwise and add to the pan, frying until it begins to colour.
Mix the ground spices and salt with enough water to make a thick paste and add to the pan, fry until the harsh aroma has cooked off and oil begins to separate.
Add the chopped tomato and stir through.
Add the green beans and stir through.
Mix the coconut water with enough hot water to make a thin paste then add to the pan. Mix thoroughly, adding more water if necessary and cook until the beans are tender.