Or possibly Crèmes. Those fluffy French creations that are used to stuff their delicious pastries. Hmmmmmm pastries.
Unfortunately the attraction has been slightly tainted by years of sitting next to a massive French troll at work, who appears unacquainted with the concept of eating with one's mouth closed. Every time he troughs down a pastry it sounds disturbingly like a squid skull-fucking a sponge.
Kind of puts you off.

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH you bloated fucking oaf!

Crème Diplomat
ingredient veg
Crème Diplomat is a mixture of Crème Pâtissière and whipped cream or Crème Chantilly (sweetened whipped cream).
Possibly stabilised with gelatine.

Beat chilled Crème Pâtissière until smooth. Whisk up the cream until it becomes fluffy (though not too stiff), or make up the Crème Chantilly.
Fold the cream into the Crème Pâtissière using between 1 and 3 times as much cream - as you like.
Make it as creamy or as sweet as you like.
It seems to keep an astonishingly long time in the fridge, though it gets a bit thick.

Crème Pâtissière
ingredient veg
Crème pâtissière aka pastry cream, is the classic custard-style filling for desserts such as profiteroles, éclairs, and Danish pastries. Best made just before you are going to use it.

Some recipes seem to call for half-flour, half-cornflour rather than just cornflour.
Some seem to use whole eggs too.

Makes about 300ml (10fl oz)

Whisk the milk, cornflour, and 30g (1oz) of the sugar in a heavy -based pan. Split the vanilla pod in half lengthways and scrape out the seeds with the point of a sharp knife. Add the vanilla seeds and pod to the pan. Bring to the boil, whisking all the time.

In a bowl, whisk the egg yolks and remaining sugar. Pour the hot milk onto this mixture in a thin stream, whisking all the time. Transfer the mixture to a pan and bring to the boil, whisking constantly, then immediately remove the pan from the heat.

Stand the pan in a shallow bowl filled with iced water. Remove the vanilla pod. Cut the butter into walnut-sized pieces on a plate.

When the sauce has cooled a little (to 60°C/140°F), add the pieces of butter, whisking briskly until they have melted and the sauce is smooth and shiny.
Once cooled to room temperature cover the surface with cling film to prevent a skin forming, or seal in a piping bag if not using immediately.
Hmmmmm. Creamy.
You can stir 4oz finely grated plain chocolate to the warm sauce (in batches), or flavour with a tablespoon of Cointreau, Grand Marnier, kirsch, dark rum or any liqueur you fancy really.

Crème Chantilly
Sweetened whipped cream
ingredient veg
You can use double or whipping cream but the best is pasteurized pouring French crème fraîche if available. In any case make sure it is very cold - it will whip up more quickly and easily.

Makes 550ml (18fl oz)

Make sure that the cream is really cold by using it straight from the fridge. Pour the cream into a shallow bowl standing in another, larger bowl filled with ice cubes. Whip the cream with a balloon whisk or an electric whisk on medium speed until the cream thickens a little, slowly adding the sugar, whipping as you go.

Stop whipping once the cream is nearly firm but still fluffy. Chill until ready to use.